In response to Burklandi idiocy

Dear St.Charlians and members of the intermicronational community,

I am aware that there have already been excellent responses to two articles published on the 5th and 6th of June on The Online Burklandi and I am also aware that two weeks have passed. However, I feel that as Director of this newspaper I must issue a statement against the slanderous and idiotic comments made by Matthew of Burkland against us. My only regret is that other commitments have delayed this so long.

Matthew of Burkland is known for hating St.Charlie; and his inaccurate and poorly-written rants usually focus on the St.Charlian Government. In his last two articles, however, he has targeted this newspaper, albeit with much confusion.

His first article, if one sets aside the awful spelling, grammar and paragraphing, is quite a humorous read. The very first sentence is already so full of mistakes, I don’t know where to begin. It is clear Matthew doesn’t know what “imperialism” means, nor does he realize that St.Charlie made no comment on the Syolian Union. The Observer, which is not a government mouthpiece, published an excellent and balanced article on the situation in Union. It was definitely not an attack, but even if it were there shouldn’t be an issue: criticism is allowed in a democracy, although it is unsurprising Matthew fails to realize this.

On the topic of democracy, Matthew again shows his knowledge by claiming that trying to force out a democratically elected leader because you don’t like him is in fact not imperialist. It is St.Charlie who is imperialist (or this newspaper, or PM Reinhardt – who knows?) Not only, the evil St.Charlie also “occupied” Tiana, although no-one has any recollection of this.

Logic fails once more when he claims that it is ironic that he is deemed unprofessional because “professionals” can criticize Burkland (criticizing is apparently unprofessional) but when he whines about other micronations he is “butthurt”. Yes, I know that makes no sense in English. But the English language isn’t Matthew’s strongest point: he then fails to understand the meaning (and spelling) of the word “hypocrisy”. After glorifying himself as a “radical” who “doesn’t suck up to the imperialists who run MicroWiki” he claims he is mistreated because of this.

Even if such ridiculous claims were true, that would be “double standards”. But he misuses this word too at the end, while also claiming he isn’t going to debate the veracity of this newspaper’s article. We can only assume it’s because the article is in fact absolutely factual and there is little to dispute.

A smart individual would stop here before embarrassing himself further, but Matthew’s excitement with the “imperialism” term wouldn’t allow it. In a following article he once again fails to develop a cogent and coherent argument by ranting against St.Charlie without noting that Mr. Puchowski is in fact a Landashir’n.

In an obvious state of great excitement, Matthew declares that this time imperialism is “real and undoubtful”. In phenomenally Soviet thinking, he claims that Puchowski’s comment that the community should “help” the Union is a cover for installing a St.Charlian puppet government. I am sure Burkland has great knowledge of such instances, but I would prefer Matthew refrain from slandering one of my correspondents.

This newspaper has never, and never will, use double standards and forego neutral and factual coverage of events in articles that provide information, as in the case of our first article. When editorials are concerned, as in the second article, opinion is present by definition, but I won’t stand idly by while a serially petulant individual insults my newspaper and my correspondents, as well as the community’s intelligence, with ridiculously inaccurate, gravely slanderous and frankly idiotic articles.

From St.Charlie with love,
Heinrich Schneider (Director)

8 Responses to “In response to Burklandi idiocy”
  1. dancarblog says:

    Matthew Burklandssen is not an idiot. People have their choice on your micronation. It is their opinion, not yours.

    King of Danland

    • Dear Sir,

      Firstly, I have never stated Matthew was an idiot, if you wish to pursue such a claim I would recommend you provide quotes.

      Secondly, it is hard to make sense of your usage of the word “choice” – I shall assume you meant “view”. What is clear is that you have missed the point of the article. I am not defending St.Charlie but rather this newspaper. If someone writes ridiculous accusations I have a duty as Director to respond. It is unsurprising you fail to clearly distinguish between St.Charlie and the Observer, in the same manner as Matthew.

      Finally, thank you for stating the obvious: it is clearly not my opinion that the Observer or St.Charlie is imperialist.


      • luxorcz says:

        It is very common in the community to connect statements of press as statements of government.
        Thank you for a nice article!

      • Phillip Stone says:

        Um, even though I agree with you, you did call Burkland an idiot in you title, I guess that counts as calling him an idiot.

        A great reply, St. Charlie is not Imperialist and it never will.

  2. Axel Nielson says:

    What a wonderful, powerful reply! This was worth waiting for!

  3. Riley Small says:

    Great reply. I was going to write something, but I thought it would be a waste of time.

  4. Wow, what an early reply, I thought you would not reply this quick. I admit I could have made a more rational reply and I could used more grammar checks. I really suck at putting my arguments on internet paper.

    P.S. I prefer to be called Matt Sjöberg, the ö isn’t needed but I like it.

  5. Brayden Yates says:

    Wonderful article! I give it 5/5! St. Charlie is not by definition imperial. I took the time to leave the room to get my dictionary to prove that M. Sjoberg is incorrect.

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